Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss

We’ve all been there - the crucial few minutes of our life when we’re trying to get what’s right for us while discussing the possible options with a counterpart. We go back and forth, re-calculate, reconsider, re-evaluate - all to get the best possible deal. Be it at a grocery store or a job interview or a high stake merger/acquisition deal, all we want is to extract the best value proposition. What we are doing in all these situations is ‘negotiation’. Now, everytime we hear the word negotiation, we natually conjure up the images of a top cop trying to talk to a terrorist or captor in a high adrenaline backdrop. What we often miss is the omnipresence of this communication pattern in our daily life and eventually fail to achieve the best outcome of a deal. In a way, it makes sense - how do we get better at something we don’t even realize is happening with us all the time?

‘Never Split The Difference’ by Chris Voss is a book that tries to fill the exact communication skill gap which is very important yet is often not taught at school. True to the scene that I mentioned earlier, this book contains real life stories of hostage situations - all high voltage and extremely gripping - to drive a key lesson in negotiation. Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, takes us through the intricacies of a hostage situation in every chapter and from that situation he makes a strong lesson on the art of negotiation. Over the course of the book, Chris Voss demonstrates that it’s empathy and treating the counterpart with respect that goes a long way to make a successful deal - the one in which both the parties are satisfied.

Although this book falls into the genre of communication, it does not delve into the theory of general communication. Instead, what it does - through nerve gripping real life stories - is teach invaluable lessons necessary to successfully get our message through to the counterpart and receive the desired favor in return. In just 10 chapters, Chris Voss takes us through every possible scenario in our lives which require some subtle skill of negotation - be it salary negotiation, or getting a marketing deal from a high profile company, bargaining the rent of a house, getting a seat on an already booked flight, or sending an email that never gets ignored and many more. And it’s not just one or two broad principles that he applies, it’s a whole ammunition.

While many of us usually think of negotiation as a means of getting things our way at the cost of others, I’m sure that opinion will definitely change once you read this book. In the end, negotiation is all about overcoming the situation, not the adversary.It’s about uncovering the value, an empathic search for the best possible deal and not to strong-arm or humiliate.

Some of the very interesting lines from the book:

  • People want to be understood and accepted.
  • You get what you ask for; you just have to ask correctly.
  • We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar.
  • ‘No’ is the start of the negotiation, not the end of it.
  • Creative solutions are almost always preceded by some degree of risk, annoyance, confusion and conflict.
  • Your reputation precedes you. Let it precede you in a way that paves success.
  • The chance for loss incites more risk than the possiblity of equal gain.
  • Hope is not a strategy.
  • All negotiation is an information-gathering process.
  • ‘Yes’ is nothing without ‘how’.
  • Never be needy for a deal.
  • The person across the table is never the problem. The unsolved issue is. So focus on the issue.
  • When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occassion; you fall to your highest level of preparation.
  • Listen, listen again and listen some more.